I remember in July 2005 when I brought home baby Abiona Grace Jones. She smelled so good. Luke took 200 pictures of her toes, fingers, and facial expressions. It took two of us to give her a bath, each of us so unsure of our ability to manage a floppy little baby in two inches of water on our own. Fast forward a bit, and there was night waking, the realization I might never pee without someone watching again, and that uncomfortable manic feeling that life was equal parts too incredibly good to be true, and more sacrifice than I believed I could bear. For several years everything spun so quickly that it all blurred together. Older moms would say silly things like, "Enjoy every moment - they grow up so fast". I couldn't imagine how I could possibly enjoy every moment - my mind was always ten steps ahead, wondering what was next, or all consumed by the worry of the moment.
Now in 2011 I am a little less than a month away from bringing home our first baby boy. I can't believe we are about to do this again. But what is more unbelievable is how quickly it all vanished. I honestly cannot imagine, or even recall, what it is like to have a little baby at home.
Tonight I am sitting at home watching my three year old paint her nails "all by herself", while her big sister that we so recently celebrated for gaining control of her neck muscles hones her pitching skills at t-ball practice. When she comes home, she will snuggle up and READ her little sister a story all by herself. In the morning she will dress herself and ride on a bus to kindergarten, where she quite comfortably spends seven hours a day completely independent of us.
At the moment, Lily most certainly still is our baby, yet despite the fact we call her "baby" she doesn't need the stacks of diapers collecting in our basement anymore. Our baby speaks in sentences, develops complex imaginative stories that she plays out with dolls and stuffed animals, and gets her own water from the sink.
I've always been a bit impatient. A bit controlling. A bit eager to move things along in life. But I can honestly say I am looking forward to enjoying every moment this time. Life really does happen so quickly. So while it feels like the next 27 days until my due date couldn't possibly pass by any slower, I now know that is the great illusion.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
Everything I Need to Know I Learned From My Kindergartner
Yesterday Lily had a rather tragic tumble down some concrete steps, resulting in a painful scrape on her face. Due to swelling and a story from a horse rider I work with, I went ahead to take her to the doctor just in case she had broken her orbital bone (she hadn't - phew!).
Lily told me she was hungry after the long appointment, and I happened to have some leftover discard Sprees in the car (the yellow ones I don't like:). Seven of them. I began doling them out to the children - Lily munching through hers and Abi slowly sucking on hers. After Lily had four Spree candies, and Abi had only two, I gave Abi the third Spree. Then Lily began to whine that she was hungry. I said I was sorry and that there were no more. Then she just stopped crying - good egg!
Abi later said, "Mom, Lily isn't crying anymore because I gave her my third Spree". I told Abi, "Thank you for sharing with your sister - that is so kind!" Then Abi said, "Mom, sharing is when you let someone use something and they give it back. Giving is when you just let someone have something and they don't give it back." She was right. She had done much more than just share with her sister.
Some days, I feel like I referee between the girls a lot over toys, hugs, arguments, etc. I think on those days I set the bar a little low because I just want them to get along so badly. I long for quiet and compliance. It turns out they are capable of so much more than that. Looks like I need to develop my vocabulary.
Lily told me she was hungry after the long appointment, and I happened to have some leftover discard Sprees in the car (the yellow ones I don't like:). Seven of them. I began doling them out to the children - Lily munching through hers and Abi slowly sucking on hers. After Lily had four Spree candies, and Abi had only two, I gave Abi the third Spree. Then Lily began to whine that she was hungry. I said I was sorry and that there were no more. Then she just stopped crying - good egg!
Abi later said, "Mom, Lily isn't crying anymore because I gave her my third Spree". I told Abi, "Thank you for sharing with your sister - that is so kind!" Then Abi said, "Mom, sharing is when you let someone use something and they give it back. Giving is when you just let someone have something and they don't give it back." She was right. She had done much more than just share with her sister.
Some days, I feel like I referee between the girls a lot over toys, hugs, arguments, etc. I think on those days I set the bar a little low because I just want them to get along so badly. I long for quiet and compliance. It turns out they are capable of so much more than that. Looks like I need to develop my vocabulary.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Baby Boy Jones
Today we found out we are having a baby boy! Luke, Abi, and Lily came to the appointment. Everything looks good according to the ultrasound, but the real excitement came with the announcment we were having a boy. Abi cried a little (having wanted a sister), and suggested a possible name of "Stinky Tom" (we're not considering that one). Now that we are home though, she is pretty excited about the little brother and was giving me useful advice - such as I can't move when I sleep or I will make the baby cry.
Lily wanted the "doctor" to give her an ultrasound, so Luke used a paper towel, an empty chair, and some hand sanitizer to provide a similar experience.
Let me just say, this baby is huge. Huge people. 1 pound and 9 oz. That may not sound like so much, but my babycenter bulletin this week said that the baby was "weighing in at a little under a pound".
Due date somewhere around the May 31 mark, so we'll keep you posted!
Lily wanted the "doctor" to give her an ultrasound, so Luke used a paper towel, an empty chair, and some hand sanitizer to provide a similar experience.
Let me just say, this baby is huge. Huge people. 1 pound and 9 oz. That may not sound like so much, but my babycenter bulletin this week said that the baby was "weighing in at a little under a pound".
Due date somewhere around the May 31 mark, so we'll keep you posted!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Failure.
Writing about failure after not writing so long seems like kind of a depressing thing to write about. But then, January is almost over. We're giving up on resolutions, if we still even hang onto the hazy memory of what they were. I imagine that, on January 25th, I am not alone in my failings. And, my failing was what was exceptional enough to write about today!
Today I felt like I had a failure breakthrough. Basically everything I did today was a failure - a failure to be where I needed to be, when I needed to be there, to talk about the projects that in all honesty aren't going that well; a failure to get things moved off the mounting list of things to do...as a matter of fact...did anything budge from that list?? I think not; a failure to understand driving in Richmond, there and back, subsequently followed by a failure to pick up my two year old daughter in a timely manner, subsequently followed by a failure to even be there when my five year old got off the bus. And that's just today, if I think about the week I forsee more failure in the forecast. There are about to be several things that I am just not going to succeed at. But today, the failure all came together in that stormy, "can't one thing go right today?" kind of way. It was all overshadowed by grief, stress, doubt, and pregnancy hormones that made the kiddie pool of failure feel like an ocean of failure.
The breakthrough part came when I realized that, sometimes, in fact, everything can and does go wrong. When it did, I found the joyful surprise of having people there that I didn't know would be there, and patience in me which I never expected was even possible - but it was not a stunt double(!), the comfort of verses I didn't even know were in my memory, and resolve to do tommorrow better. So, basically today I learned that even when I manage to fail at everything, I have a community and a family and a God that will be right there with me in it. I think it's still fair to chalk up any day like that in the "win" column.
Today I felt like I had a failure breakthrough. Basically everything I did today was a failure - a failure to be where I needed to be, when I needed to be there, to talk about the projects that in all honesty aren't going that well; a failure to get things moved off the mounting list of things to do...as a matter of fact...did anything budge from that list?? I think not; a failure to understand driving in Richmond, there and back, subsequently followed by a failure to pick up my two year old daughter in a timely manner, subsequently followed by a failure to even be there when my five year old got off the bus. And that's just today, if I think about the week I forsee more failure in the forecast. There are about to be several things that I am just not going to succeed at. But today, the failure all came together in that stormy, "can't one thing go right today?" kind of way. It was all overshadowed by grief, stress, doubt, and pregnancy hormones that made the kiddie pool of failure feel like an ocean of failure.
The breakthrough part came when I realized that, sometimes, in fact, everything can and does go wrong. When it did, I found the joyful surprise of having people there that I didn't know would be there, and patience in me which I never expected was even possible - but it was not a stunt double(!), the comfort of verses I didn't even know were in my memory, and resolve to do tommorrow better. So, basically today I learned that even when I manage to fail at everything, I have a community and a family and a God that will be right there with me in it. I think it's still fair to chalk up any day like that in the "win" column.
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