I remember in July 2005 when I brought home baby Abiona Grace Jones. She smelled so good. Luke took 200 pictures of her toes, fingers, and facial expressions. It took two of us to give her a bath, each of us so unsure of our ability to manage a floppy little baby in two inches of water on our own. Fast forward a bit, and there was night waking, the realization I might never pee without someone watching again, and that uncomfortable manic feeling that life was equal parts too incredibly good to be true, and more sacrifice than I believed I could bear. For several years everything spun so quickly that it all blurred together. Older moms would say silly things like, "Enjoy every moment - they grow up so fast". I couldn't imagine how I could possibly enjoy every moment - my mind was always ten steps ahead, wondering what was next, or all consumed by the worry of the moment.
Now in 2011 I am a little less than a month away from bringing home our first baby boy. I can't believe we are about to do this again. But what is more unbelievable is how quickly it all vanished. I honestly cannot imagine, or even recall, what it is like to have a little baby at home.
Tonight I am sitting at home watching my three year old paint her nails "all by herself", while her big sister that we so recently celebrated for gaining control of her neck muscles hones her pitching skills at t-ball practice. When she comes home, she will snuggle up and READ her little sister a story all by herself. In the morning she will dress herself and ride on a bus to kindergarten, where she quite comfortably spends seven hours a day completely independent of us.
At the moment, Lily most certainly still is our baby, yet despite the fact we call her "baby" she doesn't need the stacks of diapers collecting in our basement anymore. Our baby speaks in sentences, develops complex imaginative stories that she plays out with dolls and stuffed animals, and gets her own water from the sink.
I've always been a bit impatient. A bit controlling. A bit eager to move things along in life. But I can honestly say I am looking forward to enjoying every moment this time. Life really does happen so quickly. So while it feels like the next 27 days until my due date couldn't possibly pass by any slower, I now know that is the great illusion.