Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Marking the Day

Today is the 3rd year anniversary of my father's death. In some ways I feel some pressure to mark the day by doing something. I think that's holding true to western/modern approaches. We must do something, some activity, something meaningful on the day to come to grips with the passing of a loved one. But I'm never sure what to do. There is no grave to visit, I live nine hours from my family, and I'm living regular life, working, picking up the kids, cooking, eating, cleaning, playing with my two daughters and trying to have a conversation with my wife without being interrupted every three seconds. In not knowing what to "do" I feel somewhat like a failure at marking the day. On the other hand, not a day goes by when I don't think about my father and life with and without him, who he was, and who I am becoming. I definitely miss him and when I think about what would best commemorate who he was, I think about who I am becoming. My dad was a loving, patient, reflective and ethical man who loved his family a lot. So today I'm going to think again about the good qualities of my father and what he has passed on to me, and if he would be proud of the way I am living my life, how I work, and how I love my family. If you knew my father you would know that today would be a good day to buy a mint mocha from Starbucks, go on a walk, navigate to a new place using a map and/or a bus schedule, check the weather online, and play some chess. I think I can at least do one of those things, but I'll remember my dad wasn't one for feeling compelled to "do" things, he was more into "being". I wish he could be here now and if he was I think he would just want to be together. It wouldn't really matter what we did.

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